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the island of conclusions

*facepalm* (aka Camelot)

the island of conclusions

bright star

*facepalm* (aka Camelot)

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bright star
So, I don't have too many hours to myself on the weekends, and yet I somehow managed to spend one of those hours watching an episode of Starz's new Camelot. Has anyone else done this? I wouldn't recommend it, though it did make me gape and chortle at the screen a few times.

I can't really say much about the plot. I watched the first episode, and then immediately forgot all the details. Then, since I figured this wasn't the kind of thing one needed to watch linearly, I just plunged into the latest one over the weekend.

The reasons to watch it have nothing to do with their Arthur and Guenevere--who seem to have been cast solely for their skills in the sack. Arthur has the good looks of a feral fifteen-year-old, but the skinniest arms ever to wield a sword in Dark Ages Britain, and manages to look at all times as if he'd rather be enjoying a quick shag and cigarette 'round the back alley of Camelot rather than, say, forging a nation. And Guenevere seems to be a terrible actress, but she does look good naked on a beach.

No, the reason to watch it, if one was going to, is all about Eva Green (spectacularly beautiful) and Joseph Fiennes (spectacularly bald) chewing up the scenery as Morgan and Merlin.

Here are some things that happened in the episode I watched:

*Morgan has Arthur and Merlin over to her castle for dinner. No. Really. For a while it looks like she was going to seduce Arthur, as per canon, but in the end she just perchs on his bed and steals some of his blood with her special ring. As one does.

Then, she drugs Merlin and dry-humps him on the furs in front of her fire for a while, before chaining him to her bed and indulging her personal hygiene kink by clipping his toenails. Well, okay, the last bit is probably for some nefarious magical purpose. But all the same. Close-ups of toenails. On my screen.

*Meanwhile, Guenevere loses her virginity to Arthur on the beach. (Yes, they fuck with canon on this front). But because she's scheduled to marry someone else that very evening, she's worried that her new husband will be able tell that she's no longer a virgin. Luckily enough, they come upon a newly killed deer on their way back to the castle, and the resourceful not-a-maiden-anymore whips out a wine flask and drains some of the deer's arterial blood into it, which she skillfully dribbles on the marriage bed later.


A couple of new characters were introduced in this episode.

First, Kay (who is a doll) and Leontes (the man who marries Guenevere) ride out to recruit Gwaine to Arthur's side. And for a while, I was like "yay! maybe Eoin Macken will liven up this show like he did for Merlin." But no, their Gwaine is an illiterate cynic who lives in an abandoned monastery. BUT, he develops an instant massive man-crush on Kay when he realizes Kay can read, and follows him back to Camelot on Kay's promise to teach him too. (this is the sweetest bit in the whole episode).

And, more awesomely, there is Vivian--who is gorgeous, and sports elaborate facial tattoos.

"Why do you have those?" says Morgan.

"The Romans brought my ancestors here as slaves, and we still follow the customs of our people," says Vivian.

Okay, whatever, because: gorgeous. I hope they follow the bit of canon where Vivian seduces Merlin.

Will I watch more? I dunno--H50 is coming back--I don't know if I'll have the time. It was awful, but supremely undemanding, and kind of a hoot.

  • (no subject) -
    • oh man, the episode made me howl! And yeah, check out the toenails. I had to write it down, because I could not quite believe that happened!
  • I saw a preview of this at the theater yesterday and thought that Arthur and Guinevere looked spectacularly boring, but that Joseph Fiennes and Eva Green(!) would be reason enough to watch. Sounds like I was right! But I am laughing so hard at this recap. Deer blood and toenails, oh my.

    I have actually been wanting to watch The Borgias. Have you caught any of that?

    New H50 tonight!
    • Really, I'm not being a stalker, I'm just going through my flist. I watched the first 2 hrs of the Borgias - it just took me about 4 installments, haha. I quite liked it. There's sexual subtext in just about every other scene, between all varieties of people. I have hopes it will be good.
    • Yeah, if you like the idea of Eva Green in a bunch of extremely fetching caftans (and occasionally naked), then check it out.

      And yeah, I had to write it all down, because I couldn't quite believe I hadn't hallucinated the deer blood and toenails.

      I haven't watched the Borgias, but I love Jeremy Irons, so maybe next time I'm jonesing for cheesy historical drama I will check it out.

      It all pales next to last night's H50, though, doesn't it? *happy sigh*
  • *blink* I have no words. LOL

    ..except, YAY! H50 tonight!
    • No--there really aren't any words. I had to write it all down to convince myself it really happened.

      And it all pales beside the wonder of last night's H50, doesn't it? *happy sigh*
  • I haven't I ended up losing an hour and a half of my life to the pilot of The Borgias. It is extremely LOL worthy, and not in anyway they intended, clearly. It has INTRIGUE!!1! and NEFARIOUS PLOTS OF NEFARIOUSNESS and within the first five minutes they had a pre-pubescent Lucretia spying on her brother Alessandro banging a prostitute, and then Alessandro chasing her all over their elegantly appointed inner courtyard and pinning her to the ground, where they proceeded to exposit at length about the composition of their family.

    Also, every British actor ever who ever does costume dramas is in it, so it kinda got confusing because I can no longer separate them from their characters.

    Basically it's like The Tudors, except with more historically accurate hair. And a sadomasochistic assassin, not sure The Tudors had one of those. ;-P
    • Huh--that sounds intriguing! I've loved Jeremy Irons as everyone from Charles Ryder to Klaus Van Bulow, so maybe I should check out the Borgias. I never watched the Tudors--maybe I should check that out too. Sometimes, you need one of the ultra-cheesy historical things, y'know?
  • Okay, I did actually watch this too! Though I didn't make it past the first episode, and that only because I wanted to watch Eva Green and Voldie's brother the whole time. From what you said, the second ep does sound better, and if I had time to devote to a new show I'd totally snark this whole deal.

    Major LOL about Jamie Campbell Bower having the skinniest arms to ever wield a sword. I CONCEDE.
    • Yeah, I watched the first episode, and it was pretty snooze-y. This one (I think it was the 3rd or 4th hour) was definitely livelier. In a lunatic kind of way. It did fulfill my need to snark, tho.

      Have you seen Jamie Campbell Bower in other things? Is he always like that?
  • Then, she drugs Merlin and dry-humps him on the furs in front of her fire for a while, before chaining him to her bed and indulging her personal hygiene kink by clipping his toenails.

    Okay, I laughed. :D
  • I watched the first two episodes and thought it was boring. I totally agree that Eva Green is the reason to watch. I loved her and King Lot. Haven't seen the most recent ep yet. I think Arthur is really miscast - Guinevere is GORGEOUS. I think they need to get her and Morgan together. :)
    • Yeah, I watched the first hour, and found it pretty boring. Though the Morgan/Lot sex was hot. This one (the third or fourth hour?) was much livelier. It an utterly insane kind of way.

      Guenevere is really gorgeous, and she may be a better actress than I've given her credit for--the script does her no favors. I think getting her together with Morgan would maybe loosen her up :)

      Granted, I have a huge soft spot for Bradley James's Arthur, but even so, this guy points out just how much better and more believable that casting is--for someone who's supposed to be a fighter and a future kind, even when he's being a prat.
  • I adore Eva Green and Josepf Fiennes, but if I won't like the next episode, I'm totally quitting. Not even they will make me watch. Ugh, after the recent episode I wonder what the hell these two do in this show if they both could do so much better >.>
    I hate this show for making me dislike the characters I usually like when it comes to Arthur's story. It totally sucks.
    • Oh, I know, those two could definitely do much better. I kind of enjoyed that episode, in a horrified kind of way, but you're right, it did make me dislike Arthur, which is something I wouldn't have thought possible from my usual reaction to the story. I completely understand if you stop watching!
      • For me Arthur was really neutral to me, thought in Camelot I disklike him very, very, very much. Ugh, and I dislike the knights. It's... I can't even find the words to describe how uncool it is.
        The sad thing is, one of my favourite actors is going to appear on the show and I'll probably keep watching just to see him. I don't know how I'll survive. Unless I'll skip all the stupid scenes and watch only the interesting ones.
  • Being as I am, pop culturally clueless, I just sort of found out about this....And hey, now it looks like I don't have to watch it! The only thing that made me consider it is that it's on in Merlin's old timeslot. Which, alas, no more Merlin for quite some time....I was hoping this new show would tide me over. I guess not.

    Thanks for the review and ever as always pithy comments!
    • Well, it had its pleasures, of the horrifying variety, but it was no Merlin--and really pointed up the virtues of that show. Plus, there was no way I could watch it with my kids, and I enjoy doing that with Merlin....*waits for S4 Merlin*

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